F.I.S.H.

F.I.S.H stands for French Immersion SchoolHouse and is the name my husband came up with for my new home-based French school!  It captures my heart for teaching French as a ministry to children...my own little school of fish!  Let me share how this all came about...really, none of my doing. 

Back in Decemeber, as we were trying to decide what to do with our soon-to-be-finished basement, Jake suggested we put a classroom in one corner and move our home office from upstairs to downstairs, so that I could have my teacher's desk there.  All of this talk really began when we were rearranging rooms and creating a nursery upstairs for Joshua.  I bought into Jake's classroom idea, still not entirely catching the vision, but trusting that the Lord was speaking through my husband.

After losing Joshua, I struggled to find motivation to pursue any kind of work.  I did find it helpful to keep up with my online classes, as this helped to occupy my time, but ultimately, it was a challenge to find much purpose in anything else than what I had been gearing up for: motherhood.  Any other kind of work seemed to pale in comparison to what I truly wanted to be doing...being a mom.  Two things here are interesting to note.  First, in the past, I have not been one to lack motivation when it comes to work.  You can ask my parents who saw me through the rigorous Swiss school system, or Jake who kept telling me not to study so hard in college.  You can say I'm an over-achiever.  I try hard to not be one, but it's just part of my make-up.  In the face of grief, however, my entire world was shaken, and I really struggled for the first time to find  the motivation to accomplish much of anything.  I never spent days in bed, nor isolated myself for extended periods of time (though the thoughts did cross my mind), but I did question the Lord "what am I supposed to do now?".  The second interesting fact is that for many years I had a hard time imagining myself being content "just" being a mom!  But, after Joshua's stillbirth, that was the ONLY thing I wanted to be.  This, I believe, speaks volumes about how we, as women, are created and is quite contrary from what the world tells us.  But that is another topic.

Back to the classroom.  At the beginning of the summer, I found myself at a place where I said "yes, Lord.  I have needed this time for my heart to heal (though healing continues to be a work in progress), and even though I don't feel quite ready, I know that you have something for me this fall that has to do with French teaching".  Teaching in the public school system has not been an option for me because of my angioedema (a condition which causes periodic lip swelling and intense fatigue and loss of energy), but at home, I can create my own schedule and only take on as much as I can manage.  That didn't sound so bad when I thought more about it.  Plus, it would offer the income I need to continue to pay for my post-graduate coursework.

Another aspect of this whole endeavor is that I strongly believe in the importance of foreign language instruction in the early years (When I went to Switzerland last November, I purchased French books and music in preparation for immersing the little one in French from the start!).  Moreover, there is a large homeschooling community in Cheyenne whose children will need a foreign language requirement for college. God showed me this need and has been opening doors and placing people and resources in my lap ever since. 

When I told God "yes" (more like a reluctant "ooo-kaaay"), I also told him that I didn't have much emotional energy to pour into this.  Today, I praise God for his grace.  Over the summer, in the midst of my jet-setter schedule, He has graciously and gently been ushering me along this process of promoting and putting together a week-long French camp, and is now continuing to guide my planning for Fall classes.  The camp (which took place last week) was a great success!  We (myself and my wonderful assistant and veteran French teacher, Sue) had 20 kids ages 6-10!  Though they about drained me of a year's worth of energy, we had a great time and the kids learned a lot.  God continues to confirm that this is of His hand.  He is so faithful! 

So here I am, a few weeks away from my grand debut of holding my first class in our own home, and I'm excited!  To say there aren't times where I still come before God and say "yes, this is good, but it's not REALLY what I want to be doing this year" would be a lie.  But on this grieving journey, He continues to remind me of His love and of His great plan which goes beyond what I can see and comprehend.  I thank Him for my amazing husband who believes in me and encouraged me to pursue what I didn't think I could do.  I thank the Lord for the little "fish" he has provided, and for the opportunity to help shape their minds and show them God's love through the vehicle of French!