Peace and Hope

I'm a word person.  I love words.  Perhaps too much.  I know that I often use too many.  Case in point, I'm already getting off topic.  At the end of the year, I usually like to reflect back and select a word or two which stand out to me, highlighting my year.  This year, I don't need to think long and hard.  Peace and Hope easily get first place.

Shortly after Jake and I got married, we spent some time sharing with each other which was the fruit of the spirit that we thought the other person was naturally gifted in, and which fruit, well, could use a little focused prayer for growth and development!  It came as no big surprise when Jake identified my "weaker fruit" as being peace.  Personlity-wise, I've always been the more high-strung, easily stressed out, anxious kind of person.  With that disposition, peace is just not a given.  When my world's in turmoil, or my ducks don't line up in a row, I get easily frazzled (I'm convinced that's one of the wonderful reasons I married a Merriman!).  At some point this year, I'm not sure quite when, I began to notice a change.  As my world was turned upside down last January 30th when we lost Joshua, I had no where else to run but into the loving arms of my heavenly Father.  As I have spent more time just sitting at his feet, often crying, and soaking up His presence this year, an amazing, new, supernatural sense of peace has filled me.  Ironic that I should discover that peace - and I'm not referring to the quiet tranquility of my surroundings, but to a deep inner sense of security and calm - amidst the biggest hardship of my life.  Or pehaps not so ironic after all.  The ways of God always seem backwards to our natural thinking and to the ways of this world.

Another facet of my personality is that I have a history of being a glass-half-empty-kind-of-girl.  Again, God made no mistake when he gave me a glas-bubbling-over-kind-of-guy for a husband!  God has been patiently working on that pessimistic nature of mine (I've always liked the word realistic better), and I believe this year provided a break-through.  As I have trained myself in the past to always "expect the worst so that I don't get let down", the Lord has been showing me that I should always expect the best from Him, and how good it is to hope - even when faced with disappointment.  Scripture remains far from silent on this matter.  I have found much comfort and encouragement in the book of Romans.  As I have meditated on and prayed through scripture, the Lord has been changing me in this area as well.  The Lord desires for me to abound in hope (15:13), and His word tells me that hope does not put us to shame (5:5).  I am called to be joyful in hope (12:12)  More and more, I am beginning to understand that what my heavenly Father requires of me is an attitude of hope in all circumstances.  Developing a calous shell will never protect me from the disappointments of this world.  It will just turn me into a very negative person!  I would be making a grave mistake not to always expect the best from a God who loves me so much that He gave his own firstborn son for me.  This year, more than ever before, I can testify to the truth spoken of in Romans 5:3-5: "...that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope".

I do not remember a time in my life when I have felt more like clay in the Potter's hands.  Some days, I think I can feel the craftsman needing away at His clay.  The molding doesn't feel all that great, as a matter of fact, it's quite painful at times,  but slowly, I am beginning to get a glimpse of a beautiful shape imerging.  Though I know that I have a long way to go and that this vessel won't ever be complete this side of heaven, I am greatful for the newfound peace and hope in Him, which are part of the masterpiece. 

All for His glory.