Grieving Grief

It sounds twisted, I know.  But as I face the final days leading up to the one year anniversary of losing Joshua, I realize that I am, in a sense, mourning the fact that I'm saying good-bye to this first year without him.  It sounds messed up, because this past year, all I've wanted has been to "move on", and be done with this whole grieving thing.  Now I undertsand that, just because the first year has gone by, doesn't mean that I will no longer grieve, but there is a sense of turning a page.  Only five more days for me to think back and remember what it was like "a year ago today".  These memories help me to feel connected to Joshua, and, as time marches on, the distance between him and me grows.  He will always be a part of me, and there's no doubt I have been completely changed by my son, but, time does, in fact, heal.  Ultimately, I'm grateful for that, and I would not choose to stay in mounrning, but, no matter how hard a situation is, I think it is human nature to find comfort in the familiariy of it.  This is the life I've known this past year, and saying good bye to my first year of grief is almost like saying good-bye to Joshua all over again.